when to be quiet
i was born with the fatal inability to know the difference between when to speak up and when to shut up.
well, maybe not born with it. but i got some terrible advice about accountability at some point in the distant past and that means that i've ended up with my wires completely crossed about when and why to talk about things.
anyone who's known me for a long time probably know that i have raved about, started, and abandoned many projects, hobbies, ideas...novelty gets me going, but it's a fuel that doesn't sustain me for very long. and when i abandon something, there's always a bit of guilt, like i told other people i was going to do this thing, and then i didn't do it, and now what? this is the poison that "accountability" injected into my body, and i'm only just now figuring out that one, it's poison, and two, i need to purge every last bit of it.
but i think i'm getting better at it. instead of talking about the things i'm going to do, i can talk about how i recently figured out how to play Oo-De-Lally on the guitar just by ear. or that i met my swimming distance goal way faster than i thought i would. or how i'm a permanent resident now!
the difference is that i'm not telling you what i'm going to do, but what i have done. we exit the realm of possibility and enter one of accomplishment. and i think this is perhaps better. i am no longer placing the burden of accountability on others, or upon myself. instead i invite you to share in my joy. it doesn't even have to be anything big! i can share the joy of building a lego set or seeing a rare bird (speaking of, we saw a green woodpecker the other day, very uncommon for us!) or trying a new type of tea.
i'm always going to have ideas, new things i want to pursue. but i don't need to talk about them all. not just yet. not until i can share more than just the spark of inspiration.